Welcome To Distorted View’s Crude Summer!
Each week we will take a dip into DV’s pool of disgusting, poorly written, and just weird erotic fan fiction/ sex stories that have been featured over the past 15 years of the podcast. I originally read these stories to you during a segment called Sextastic Tuesday, which aired just about every week (on Tuesday’s, naturally) and creeped out a generation of freaks. Every weekend this summer we will relive some of these abominations.This week: We start the podcast off today with a BRAND NEW story! I thought this was going to be some hardcore muslim/arab fetish. Truth be told, it’s barely brought up. It turns out to be pretty gross, though. Sometimes the best awful sex stories are awful in entirely different way than I thought they were going to be. I also share you with you a story from the 2nd year of DV, and one thay was an early fan favorite. Everyone loves a good celebrity sex story right? Well this celebrity is also a gorilla. That’s right, Koko the Gorilla gets banged! Enjoy!
BE A PART OF THIS STUPIDITY:Voicemail: 206-666-4463 (206-66-OH GOD) Have Your Voicemail Played On The Show E-mail: email@example.com – Say hi, suggest news stories, videos, audio, etc. Discord: The DV discord server! Chat with like-minded monsters. The DV Subreddit: Share links to DV worthy audio/video and news stories A new way to help support Tim / Distorted View – Check out our Patreon page
Get more Distorted View! Become a True and Honorable Freak: Sign Up For The Sideshow
Hastily AI’ed Transcription Of Today’s Show:Coming up on today’s crude summer a brand new story. I’m looking back because I you know, I recording the intro after I read the story and I don’t know if I I don’t know if I missed a line. There’s a line that reads take my big Muslim pick up your ship pie, but I think that’s the only reference to being a Muslim. So it’s not exactly Muslim porn, but it’s coming up. distorted views crew summer is brought to you by Adam and eve.com the number one adult toy superstore in the world. I’d love to tell you about every single one of their 19,000 movies but blogs, clips, stimulators, and COC rings, but I only have a few minutes to tell you about a select few to help me choose which items from Adam and Eve’s vast catalog to talk about. Let’s go to the big board. The board is full of amazing products from the ass chasm, penis ring, plug just Clip master penis sleep. There’s no bad choice here but let’s start the board. See some jelly here. We landed on high of love pheromone perfume get ready to stink in a good way to Cologne uses and roasted all to attract women while repelling other men as think you want to do is start attracting them. This will leave the field wide open for you to turn their pants off without any competition getting in your way. That’s I have loved pheromone Park food. Let’s go back to the bone. Penis pumps look good naked come in handy. couplets lace up Coursera think that’s my thing, but it could be system clean out your rear quickly and easily with this travel for Do that’s right get squeaky clean for backdoor play what the butler do system it’s a brace to use even for first timers cuz No one likes shit dick as you can tell Adam and Eve has quite a wide range of products and they have an amazing deal just for you for a limited time. Get 50% off just about any item when you use promo code freakin Checkout, just go to Adam and Eve calm pick out something you like from their vast catalog. Use coupon code FREAK at checkout and bone 50% off that item. Plus, we’re just getting started baby. You’ll also receive six free full length movies, a special gift for her something he will enjoy and then something you could use as a couple. On top of that free shipping on your entire order. It’s an amazing deal. Just remember to use coupon code FREAK at AdamandEve.com Yeah, like I mentioned at the top of the show I’ve got a brand new story for you. This is something I’ve been wanting to do with crude summer. In addition to featuring some like previous sex tested Tuesday’s stories. I thought we could try to find some new ones and today I’ve got a real dirty one. Let’s get into it right now. That’s what you need Miss I roared a fat cock up your hot sexy ass. Tell me how much you love a bitch. I love it. She moans breathlessly with glee. Yeah, I love being bent over with a cock rammed up my ass. I love feeling my ass burn up. It’s some dirty fucker prize open my dark hole. I had to pause there for a second because prize was spelled like you know a gift. Like you won something at a fair pri z and not pry like you would pry open something sometimes I know I stumble over words and it sounds like I have the reading comprehension of a third grader but I gotta go slow because it’s so hard to decipher what these idiots are trying to write you know? Anyway, back to the story conscious of the come starting to finish in my nuts you’re not supposed to have carbonated Chisholm unless you’re me who just drinks way too much up right? All right conscious of the come starting to fizz in my nuts bubbling. I reach forward and grab a length of her long hair and each hand and produce a crude rain. Her head reels back as I pull a hard on the hair bridle and continue to thrust into her anus locked into place with her ass skewered by my cock in her hair and my unrelenting grip. Emma whales like a Belgian heat as I ride her like a horse and fucker like a dog slamming up her rear passage with each thrust her body lurches forward under the weight of my friends eat humping, give it to me Shafiq stat my shitty ass. spell your cream in my babbles. Emma cries my cock sighing in and out of her ravaged asshole. releasing your hair. I collect your hips, racing them before jackhammering my cock and her tight asshole. I slap her ass cheeks, bring my hand down hard on each quivering buttock, then move my hand back up to her others. I close my eyes basking in the glory of satisfaction of fucking my tasty girlfriend in the most nasty and undignified of ways I reached out between her spread knees and I pick one of our turds wait what turret What now? That came out of nowhere. Let me reread that line. I reached down between her spread knees and I pick up whatever turd still warm. I bring it to my mouth as if that’s better. What is better? Like if you were 14 poop, would you want it to be piping hot? Would you rather have it have time to cool down? There’s a question for y’all set up a poll. All right, I bring it to my mouth and allow myself a lick of my girlfriends in comfortable tongue. Then what a compliment. He’s a sweet talker. Then lean forward and without warning, smear her hot shit log over her sweaty tickets. Of course, the first new sex story I’ve read in a while is gonna be you know, full of scat. I’m so sorry. Oh, you filthy bastard. She said that’s what dirty bitches like you need Miss fuck that he calls her Miss. There’s a level of respect there. I mean, it’s not a very high level of respect. After all, he just smeared hot poop on her tits. All right, it’s what dirty bitches like you need Miss. I growl their own shit smeared over their jobs while they get parked up their shitty Buchholz? This is so wild. I think I’m gonna come having my looters. Like, this doesn’t sound like a woman would talk right? This was obviously a story written by a disturbed man. Yeah, I love when you play with my looters and my jugs. All right, I think I’m gonna come having my daughter smeared with my own shit. She pants just before begins to buckle like a pony on my cock, a shattering orgasm watching over her abused body. While she climaxes I shove my breath harder up her guts than ever before my hands enjoying her big shit smeared paps. Oh god, I can’t take it anymore. Take it out and come over my shitty team. She pleads. Despite her obvious distress. I cannot now control my wicked desire to bust her ass in hear her screen. With a huge grin I slowly withdrew my cock from her smoking as which causes her to side with a grateful relief. Thank you, baby. She whimpers with an appreciative smile on her saintly face. Your cock is just bed. Without a word. I continue pulling my shaft at her ass, but I pause when only the tip peeked inside her ruptured orifice. Then, as Emma tries to shift from her obedient pose, I grab her shoulders wifely, holding your own place. You’re not going anywhere. Pitch I hiss. It was more like that. More of a hiss watching the innocent smile drain from her face. Not until I finish busting your ass. She screamed as I plunge my cock back into her tender back passage which envelops my cock and snug hold me Emma cries and pain fucking you the only way you can patch up your daddy shadow I snarl pummeling her slack farting app it’s humbling her slack farting ass with abandon. I’m gonna give you a backdoor delivery you won’t forget, bitch. I steer my cock deep into her ass hole in savor the image in the mirror of Emma leaning forward on her knees, arms locked behind her back and moaning as I fuck her tail. I clutch her shoulders again. My fingers pressing into her flesh and pump her ass violently feeling a delirious tingling in my balls. Come on You motherfucker. booger my dirty shithole until you show Emma grunts with tears in her eyes, resigned to receiving my cock up, harass the girl. Blow that load up my turn. Oh. Blow that load up my turn hole. She retrieves her chewed below and bites down hard on it again. stabbing the length of my cock into her tight sexy as I learned over Emma’s gorgeous body and blast might come deep into her bowels. Markham pumps from my cock the salty liquid filling and stinging her Ravage back passage. I slip my hands from her shoulders and I cradle her swinging be shit. Sorry. I’ve never heard someone say be shifted Like be dazzled I slipped I slipped my shoulders are swinging be shifted jets squeezing the main door of my Chisholm spills into her has shifted. Fog that was good baby I groaned nothing like a bitches tight ass to milk my cock dry. Emma with her head still buried in the pillow doesn’t respond. Then much to her lemon I slowly drove my spent and shit soiled cock in and out of her ass. Emma’s moans escape from the pillow as I pro long the experience. With my balls now completely drained. I withdraw from em as tight as I kneel back and enjoy the view of Emma’s well foxhole. The aftershocks of her orgasm are still washing over her body. And I noticed that she is still thrusting the dildo into her current, her anus game some suddenly and feel fully open and the temptation is too much. MLS out a low groan and she feels my softening prick snark up to her shit pit once more. By the time I’m fully embedded in her shifter, I’m starting to become quite flaccid, so holding her hips tightly I relax and relieve myself pissing into her rectum. I told I’m sorry, I hold her slim body tightly, pissing like a racehorse up her guts. And suddenly I feel her shaken whimper she’s having another orgasm, her bowels full of her boyfriend’s hot piss. The end. There you go. See, be careful what you wish to read a new story for us. You’re all regretting that now. We do have a little bit more time. So I wanted to play one more story for you. This originally aired I think during the second year of distorted view, I think the air date was October 3 of 2006. You know that really, really smart monkey, koko, or gorilla or whatever. Some people fantasize about fucking koko. Make koko rest in peace. Yes, Koko passed away. But we will always have the koko gorilla sex story to remember her by take a listen. Sam always had a special interest for gorillas. Right there. There you have it. We know where the story is going. when he was a kid, he loved to read Tarzan comics and fantasize himself to be the Lord of the jungle. He didn’t care for fighting with lions living with Jane or even swinging from tree to tree. He dreamed about being Tarzan, the ape man, just him and the gorillas. What started as a childhood fascination progressed into his teenage Yours and his Tarzan fantasies went into that special corner of his mind where it was just him and evermore naughty apes and still not a Jane in sight. Then one day he decided he had outgrown such silliness and shrugged off the fantasies as childhood fall away. He grew up and made up his mind that he wanted to study Zoo ology, man. Sam walked up to a message board and casually looked at the messages the students had pinned to it to see if he could strike a bargain on study books. When suddenly his I fell onto a tiny card that read urgent after hours language training needed for Koko the girl $10 per evening only for biology faculty, students who like apes, no drinking or smoking in the lab, Sam gas, training a gorilla. He was beside himself with excitement. I bet he was excitement and a little pre calm. All right. Sam met with the professor. That was interesting. Kokolook, z sign language went obsolete in the 1990s ZA now has touchscreens with a menu and symbols to press adverts much faster with AIDS than learning sign language and it’s more impressive for visitors look, KoKo, koko does Kaka want a ball to eat? Cook avanti the tennis ball, behave lunch towards the touchscreen and work to the menu after which he pressed a big slam button under the screen. A digital voice said koko lights or into koko’s hungry. Sam was shocked. This was actual communication. This was actually talking with the apes. This was a particularly hard erection he had it was a good thing he sat down. The professor offered the job to Sam and Sam immediately accepted before the Professor left he added a new button to kokos touch screen. It was a picture of Sam. The monkey looked at the picture looked at Sam and press the button. Sam. Sam. Sam. Well hello there koko. Sam blushed. Hello. Your Man. Yes, I’m a man. Where does koko come from? Coco responded. Okay. Okay. The gorilla is gentle brown yellow eyes look gently and curiously in the Sams eyes, Sam understood, Coco was lonely cocoa. Sam Hill by the cage and the big gorilla sat down in front of him. Sam hesitantly put his arms through the bars, he could hardly contain himself, koko lunged forward and folded his huge muscular arms around Sam. After the embrace, Coco said Cocos XCM Couldn’t believe his ears. Coco went on. So yes, Sam laughs I have a big banana and my pants with Tim. Girls big banana for cocoa. Yes, Sam applied. Sam has big banana for cocoa. The big gorilla carefully looked him over Coco. Coco walked over to the steel bars and spread his hairy legs. Between them was Coco is hard, direct gorilla cock she didn’t pitch black skin and showing a bright pink had about five inches long and two inches wide. Sam looked at it. Coco looked at him looking at it a minute past and then Coco went to the machine again. Coco banana. Sam sat down and untied his sneakers then got up and took off his shirt. The big here’s the thing, a couple things about this story first of all, it Cocos gay. Coco is a gay gorilla. And second of all, this is the guys first day on the job is fucking a monkey before you get your first paycheck a good idea, but I digress. This is where the story gets good right? Sam pulled down his shorts stepped out of them and then stood proud to reveal His glorious seven inches. Two more inches then Coco’s king of vape Sam smiled and put his hands to aside to give Coco a good look. Coco eagerly feasted his eyes then left aside and pressed a few buttons on his touchpad Coco so play with the banana. Oh you want to play with my big banana you lewd monkey Sam said. Most Glasgow and cage with Koko. Sam entered the cage and made his way to cocoa. He rubbed his cheeks over his smooth gorillas chest. He looked up and was face to face with cocoa looking into his blood. For wild eyes that held a lust and care that was almost frightening. Coco said over and over from an animal’s game game game, Sam suddenly realized what Koko was asking. He wanted Sam to suck him off. Sam eagerly, of course equally like the girl is length of shiny black meet with the bright pink headed slime to lose from it which was very salty but only drove Sam even more hotter cocoa began to rhythmically thrust and other gorilla mating calls. See if I have a gorilla mating call here. Oh, yeah, that’s pretty good. Sam tried his best to keep his tongue all over that thrusting gorilla meat. Suddenly Koko got up from under Sam pressed Sam on the ground, got on top of him and with short little thrust worked his girl Me between his human keepers hams, koko, careful, Sam EL but the big silverback obviously held him dear and slowly worked his eagerly throbbing gorilla meat into him as not to hurt him. The two huge gorilla arms hug Sam and a rhythmic, relentless thrusting started, and a brisk QL your company the thrusting shaking Sam and pounding into him for a short link, but with great intensity. Sam tried to match kokos meeting call with a human equivalent. What having sex with a monkey sounds like excuse me gorilla. Sam the human and Koko the gorilla mate there you boy noises in unison and lost track of all but their mating until finally KoKoa raised himself bellowed loudly and shot unbelievably hard squirts of gorilla. See into Sam’s gut an unbelievable quantity. Then Koko began to look Sam all over until Sam shot his pearly white human seed all over the grill is pitch black face and firm VN Wow, what a jam packed edition of crude summer we smeared Pope on tense one might call those tickets be shifted. And we had sex with a gorilla. busy weekend. Thank you guys so much for joining me on crude summer I will be back next week with more literary filled for you Don’t forget new episodes of distorted view daily air Monday through Friday. If you’re not yet a side job member sign up super freak side jet calm. Make sure to like and review the podcast. Check out our Discord. There’s a link on the main navigation bar over there distorted view calm you can meet and chat with other freaks voicemail line 26666 4463 and of course I’m all over social media at distorted view on twitter and instagram, facebook. com distorted view show and youtube.com slash distorted view show. Have a great weekend and we’ll see you back on Monday to start a new week of DV until then. Just a quick final reminder, DVDs current summer is brought to you by Adam and eve.com for limited time get 50% off just about any item plus a bunch of free stuff. A little something for him something for her and a third item you’ll both enjoy plus six free movies and free shipping on your entire order. Just remember to use coupon code freak FREAK at AdamandEve.com
Music from https://filmmusic.io
“Lobby Time” by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com)
License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)