Crude Summer: Chipmunk Sex / Nibbling Fish Fuck / Asshole Inflation

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Welcome To Distorted View’s Crude Summer!

Every week I read you some weird, poorly written, or just plain gross erotic fiction.

This week: I’ve got three (YES! 3!) brand new short stories and they are all dumb, gross, and bizarre. First, Alvin from Alvin In The Chipmunks has celebrity sex with Miley Cyrus. Chipmunk? More like Chipspunk. Next, A young man takes a dip in a pond only to find that the fish like the taste of his dick and semen. Fish Nibblers! Finally, one man’s fetish is another man’s bit for a podcast! Take a listen to how blowing into a girls butthole helps get him off. Thanks to LVL80CatLady for the amazing album artwork! Check her out on Twitter   BE A PART OF THIS STUPIDITY:

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Hastily AI’ed Transcription Of Today’s Show:

On today’s crude summer, I’ve got not one, not two, but three brand new stories involving chipmunk sex, fish, fucking and ass blowing, none of these stories should be able to get you off. However, if you’d like to take the crude summer challenge, pull down your pants now. No touching until after the commercial break and then email me. Let me know how far into the show it took you before you blew your load. I’m setting up some online leaderboards right now. This week’s crude summary starts in just a moment. Distorted views. Crude Summer is brought to you by Adam And Eve, the number one adult toy superstore in the world. I’d love to tell you about every single one of their 19000 movies, but plugs, click stimulators and cock rings. But I only have a few minutes to tell you about a select few to help me choose which items from Adam and Eve vast catalogue to talk about. Let’s go to the big board of fornications. All the board is full of amazing products from the Ash Orgasm Penis Ring Club to the click master penis sleeve. There’s no bad choice here, but let’s start the board up to see some click gel here. Silicone lubricants, hydromatic penis pump and stack. We landed on High of Love Pheromone perfume. Get ready to stink in a good way. Cologne uses androstenone to attract women while repelling other men. I think you want to do is start attracting them. This will leave the field wide open for you to charm their pants off without any competition getting in your way. That’s I have loved Ferryman Parfume. Let’s go back to the bar. Those penis pumps look good. They could come in handy. Garlic couples lace up corseted. I think that’s my thing. But it could be. And we landed on the butt. Learn new system. Clean out your rear quickly and easily with this travel friendly douche. That’s right. Get squeaky clean for back door. Play with the Butler douche system. It’s a breeze to use even for first timers because no one likes a shit deck. As you could tell, Adam and Eve has quite a wide range of products and they have an amazing deal just for you for a little bit of time. Get fifty percent off just about any item when you use promo code FREAK and check out. Just go to Adam and Eve Dotcom, pick out something you like from their vast catalog use coupon code FREAK at checkout and boom. Fifty percent of that item. Plus we’re just getting started baby. You’ll also receive six free full length movies, a special gift for her, something he will enjoy, and then something you could use as a couple on top of that free shipping on your entire order. It’s an amazing deal. Just remember to use coupon code FREAK at  Adam And Eve deals going the rest of the family all summer long to use some. All right, again, this is Alvin and the Chipmunks erotic fan fiction, the title of this piece, Alvin and the Chipmunks. Guys, pull down your pants, place your iPod directly in your palm. Ladies stuck your finger for a second and then start flicking your bean, because either way we go, Alvin, I’m going to be at work over the weekend, so don’t do anything stupid, Dave said, pointing directly at him, giving his I will ground you for a year. Look, I don’t do anything. Buy me a fucking ball. Don’t use that language with me. I’m going with Theodore and Simon. So clean up after yourself. Ok, ok on Dave close the door. And Simon and Theodore were already in the car. Alvin waited till he heard the car screech away and then waited around until he was sure that they weren’t coming back and found all around. Alvin picked up the phone and started calling his secret lover, Miley Cyrus. After he finished the call, he waited, getting Dave’s wine out of his hiding spot. He then heard a knock on the door, stood up, opened the door and saw a lovely lady who was looking around for someone, a human body. Oh, great. It’s you. I’m already confused by the story. I thought Miley Cyrus was Alvin’s secret lover, but she seems disappointed when she goes to his house. You know where Elvin lives. You’ve obviously met him before. You heard the way he talks on the phone over my Rumbelow Kollberg. Alvin could be lying about Miley Cyrus being his secret lover, but then how would he have her phone number and why would she agree to come over? There are just so many questions I have anyway. When Miley was like, oh, great, it’s you. Alvin thought to himself for a little while, really try to like Alvin offered her a drink. And because he knew she liked finishing her glass, he kept on refilling it when it was halfway full. He was lucky she didn’t even notice. After a few hours, Miley was super drunk and Alvin’s plan was working. He decided it was time to make his move. Oh, well, we should start by smooth, Alvin. Real smooth. Surprisingly, Miley was down. Yeah, that’s why we should totally bang like a wrecking ball. As Miley took off her clothes, Alvin took his sweater off and unsheathed his tiny to scale chipmunk penis, a laughable inch long. Now that Miley was naked, she looked over to Alvin and gave a little snort of laughter. Alvin cried out right bone, some subtle punch and nothing has come here. Alvin obliged, getting closer to her naked shaved pussy. Alvin was dead in front of her pussy, sniffing. It was a real funky, funky. Miley just laughed and reached down to him, grabbing his whole body and turning him around, really, really daring. She pushed him closer to her pussy and started to shove his whole body inside of her. Alvin was literally squirming half inside of her, and with the final push, his whole body was inside his fluffy head, the only thing sticking out of her body. All right, Calvin, let’s go. All right, Alvin, whatever. OK, Alvin, this is the only thing that can get me off, so you better enjoy it. Alvin’s head was poking outside of her, visible to the door. Then almost too suddenly, Dave busts through the door and looked upon the scene, eyes bulging to see Miley naked, looking down at her quickly and seeing a brown, fluffy, Alvin’s head like shape coming out from her pussy. Dave began to speak up, boy, slowly getting louder. Alvin, I’d appreciate it if you told me you were going to bring someone over. You seem to be staring at Miley, but in fact was focusing on the fuzzball that was cringing inside of a drunk Miley Cyrus. But, Alvin, I know you’re inside. Miley hello, by the way. And I don’t know why you did it. He took a deep breath. Alvin, what the heck were you thinking? Alvin peeked at him, seeing him through Miley’s thighs. Dave ALVIN. Oh, yeah. See why we’re doing three stories today. They’re very short and of questionable quality. Next up, from chipmunks to fish. Next story is all about. The red garfish, also known as the Dr. Fish or the Nibbler Fish, this thing likes to nibble off dead skin from humans. So to pretty much guess where this this story’s going to go. Fish spawn coming up right now on crude summer. Sebastian was in Thailand on vacation. He loved the humidity of the summer months and would often take long walks in the forest on this particular day, the weather was especially hot and he decided to take his shirt off. Beads of sweat soaked his shirt. And even after taking off his shirt, the same beads struggled to keep his dark Moka body cool. They rolled down his smooth, young, toned body. As he walked, the heat seemed to beat him down. He was deep in the forest and decided to take his pants off. Do he continued to walk in the forest. After several hours, he came across a pool of warm water. Sebastian welcomed the sight and he took off his shoes and submerged himself in the water. Sebastian bathed himself water on his face, neck, shoulders and chest. His hands moved down his body to his cock and balls. He washed his butt and his butthole. Then he moved down his legs as far as he could reach without submerging his head. He stood in the water, letting the slight current wash over him. In the clear, warm, fresh water, he saw some tiny fish drawing close to him. Sebastian stopped moving and thought the fish would leave him if he left them alone. The large school drew closer to him, though a few of them started nibbling on his smooth chest, eating the dead skin cells, and several moved in and nibbled at his nipples. With the little bites of the toothless fish on his bare, muscular chest, he found himself the subject of an interesting meal. He raised his arms so his armpits were fully exposed. The little fish began to slightly pull out his underarm hair, cleaning the follicles in the skin underneath. Other members of the school had been cleaning his shoulders. His back is pussy and his crack. No, Sebastian spread his legs and squatted, so his head was above the surface of the water. His anus was now wide open and the fish began to nibble at his firm. But an anal opening, he could feel the other members of the school nibbling at his abdomen, his washboard abs firm and his solid core held him up strong in the pool. The School of Fish had found another source of food from Sebastian, just like his underarm hair had been cleaned, a small school nibbled at the dark forest of pubic hair that grew above his car, his soft dangle between his legs, but was becoming affected by all that nibbling. Sebastian felt his hair is being gently pulled, his skin being exfoliated. The school had begun to nibble at Sebastian soft, intact cock. His heart was beating fast and his breathing was short. Little fish were cleaning the skin off of his firm ass and asshole. They move between his legs, eating the dead skin from his scrotum, pulling the hairs on the testicular sac ever so slightly to clean the flesh beneath his penile shaft, touched by a thousand little hungry mouths and his cock growing for his captive audience, the penis grew with all the stimulation, and Sebastian’s cock had pushed itself out of the protection of its foreskin. The story could have been a hell of a lot different if he entered a body of water with a bunch of piranhas, you know what I mean? Lucky he just found little nibbler fish. A couple of the fish seem to like his cock head. Sebastian Smegma became an added attraction to these little guys with a little little layer of parmesan cheese on top of the skin. It’ll treat for the fish the feeling of these little fish eating its dead skin cells and cockroaches tickled and Sebastian continued to stand. Sebastian resisted the urge to rub his cock and showed his load. That would be wrong. That’s like bestiality, right? A few more of these tiny fish began to nudge his cock as his penis grew and got both thicker and longer. Several members of the school started to nibble at his peephole. Yeah, I think that’s where I’d pass out. I’d be too afraid like that. The fish are getting a little too comfortable nibbling on things. I don’t need fish trying to eat their way through my urethra. All right. The little fish went after the corona, freed from what it that after the corona freed from his foreskin, the mushroom head of his glands shown under the water and cleaned as the little fish continued to peck at it. His penis stood stiff and hard, engorged with his blood. The urethral tube was being cleaned, his whole cock surrounded by these hungry little mouths. He continued to look at his cock being consumed by the little fish, the stimulation. Was too much for Sebastian to take his cock shot, a massive load of come right into the water and the little fish around him consumed is calm, as if it was a desert for all their efforts come through, lay the little fish, continue to clean the rest of his ejaculate from his peephole. The little fish seem to enjoy Sebastian smooth body. You let them clean. All that was submerged. They continued to eat the cells from his body for several more minutes until they lost interest and swam away, pumped and dumped. Right. Sebastian decided to stay next to the river for the night. He’d head back in the morning. The sun shone bright in the sky and Sebastian lay his newborn body down on the shore of the river. The air was hot but humid. Sebastian didn’t feel the cold at all, and he closed his almond colored eyes and went to sleep. When he awoke, the sun had set. It was the best sleep he had had in months, and although no longer physically tired, he knew he could sleep again. The crickets began to chirp. There were no dangerous animals to threaten him. He gathered some leaves from the forest floor and made a bed for himself. He covered up as best as he could, and listening to the silence of the forest in the gently blowing breeze in the trees, he went back to sleep. He arose with the sun. He was going to make his way back to civilization. But first, a quick bath in the warm river to refresh himself. Yeah, that’s. That’s what we’re going to do is going to refresh himself. As he drew closer to the water, his cock got hard and he rubbed it to make himself even harder. Maybe those little fish would want some breakfast. He submerged himself to the waist so only his cock and ass would be affected. Within a few minutes, the little mouths came back to feed on Sebastian. He sat in the water deep enough to cover his hard talk. He saw the fish cleaning his shaft, nibbling at his corona again. I don’t know what a corona is phreaks. I mean, I have a dick. I wasn’t aware, Dick said. Corona’s eating his dark pubic hair, his testicles being poked and prodded by the fish. The fish went right to his beholds. Like I said, they’re going a little too comfortable in that area, as if they knew dinner was about to be served. And the fish are not disappointed. Sebastian’s cock erupted several teaspoons of semen. The dollops shot out of his penis slipped and jumped out of the water. The fish continued to clean Sebastian’s dick and others ate the salty explosion. I can’t be good for fish. Sebastian moved to get onto his knees. He rubbed his cock under the water and shot yet another load day. You go, little fishes. Have some more. This is just like at the end of Mr. Rogers neighborhood. You know how you always feed the fish? I always look forward to that. Very similar. Ah, the fish ate the semen and something. Sebastian’s departure. They moved on. Sebastian promised himself as he put his shorts back on and his t shirt that he’d return with some camping equipment and spend several days feeding his new found friends. The end. The final story I have for you today is not really a sex story. It was posted on sex stories. Dotcom, though, by Dan Gates. It’s almost like a series of notes, he says. This is just a summary of things I like to do with the women I’m with. They may be incorporated into stories in the future. This is just a good overview of one man’s sexual history. His likes to compare it to your own life and see how you stack up. My wife, she lets me do all of this to her, so you’ll hear about that later. I love blowing air into her ass when we’re sixty nine and after I fill her ass with air, she then farts it back in my mouth. I also love hearing her ass queef while I anally fuck her. If anal quiffs are really just farts we just call them farts. Y’know I love fingering her ass and playing with her shit as long as it stays in her ass. Otherwise it’s gross, but it’s hard to keep shit in the asshole when you’re fingering it, you know what I mean. You’re going to get some at least on your finger. I like when I pack her fudge and it gets on my cock though. OK, so he’s, you know, he’s OK with some shit. Sometimes I tongue her ass that I can feel the tip of a piece of shit while she pushes to keep her ass open. I love laying her on her back and fucking her ass or letting her ride me anal cowgirl and while I fuck her, she can piss all the way into my mouth. I particularly like it when she does this. As I come, she pisses and squirts on my cock and in my mouth all the time. You know, I’m a bit concerned because he pretty much starts off with the shit stuff. God knows where it’s going to go from here. She pisses in, squirts on my cock it in my mouth all the time. Sometimes I stick my dick in. Her ass and I piss and when I say piss, I mean full bladder piss at least a quart a piss enema. She then pushes out the bubbling mess while I come on her pussy and her ass. I’m twenty three and she just turned 19. She’s cute as a button. If her dorky little friends only knew what kind of kinky slut she turns into when she gets home with me, more to come. If you know any piss enemas or pumped fart videos, let me know stories too. I guess this story needs more characters. I also like to sniff her panties and cum all over her. The bigger the orgasm, the better her pussy so tight. I pretty much got her asshole worked out well enough that I can switch back and forth with ease. Now, just a reminder, I’m twenty three. She’s nineteen. She’s cute as a button. I don’t know why we have to recap this. If you know any piss him or pump fart videos let me know. Stories two. That’s the second time he mentions it. And then the very next line again is if you know any pissed at him or pump fart videos, let me know. Anything nasty turns me on. Then we get back into important details here. My cock is about seven and a half to eight inches and round like the cardboard tube from a roll of toilet paper. Then he repeats all of those details over again. He says it’s because sex stories dotcom has a minimum word count and he hasn’t reached that with just his few details he ends with. The biggest thing for me is the farting in the pissing, in the squirting. I love making her fart in my mouth. I like videos of fart fantasy, but I actually want to see the air being pumped or blown into ass’s. That’s where this little story ends, which again, isn’t really a story. It’s just him putting down some notes. Just wanted to write something down, see if, you know, that gets his juices creative juices flowing. So I wondered, did he ever end up writing a real story? I did a search on his username and yes, he did. He only wrote one true story. It’s called Tamira. I’m not going to read the whole thing here, but I have a couple excerpts. He meets this girl named Tamara. They start to have sex and she’s like, wait, do you have a condom? And of course he does. So he’s like, hey, why don’t we try anal sex? Can’t get pregnant that way. He starts fingering her ass. She’s getting into it. And that’s where I’m going to read the excerpt. Yeah, I told her I had one little trick to make anal sex a lot easier and less painful. I was actually telling the truth about it being easier and less painful. But really, I just had a kinky fetish I wanted to explore. I spread her ass cheeks and I placed my lips firmly around her freshly fingered asshole, forming an airtight seal. I then proceeded to blow a large amount of air into her ass as though I were blowing up a balloon. Now push all the air out. Doing this a couple of times will loosen your asshole and stretch the inside out a bit. Before we get started, I’ll press my tongue up against your ass so it has to stretch a bit more to get out. She seems skeptical, really not disgusted or completely turned off. Just a little skeptical. All right. She seemed skeptical, but followed my instructions. Bending over. She spread her ass wide and I inserted my tongue up. Her asshole along thunderous fart erupted from her ass. She moaned. That felt so weird, but it was kinda hot at the same time. It’s definitely kinky as hell, but I love Kinky. What luck. You found a complete whore. All right. Again, I blew air into her ass and again she pushed it back onto my mouth as my tongue probed her ass. To this time my tongue was so far up her ass that I could feel what I’m sure was the edge of a piece of shit in her ass. It was. So you can see all these notes come into play. This is the stuff that he was writing about that he wanted to explore. It was solid. So it’s not really like any got in my mouth. I’m not really into scat fetishes, but I do enjoy fingering a girl’s asshole when she has a big hard piece of poop in her ass. I suppose it’s just something to play with up there. He gets bored easy, like a fidget spinner up there. I inserted one, then two fingers up her ass and roll it around between my fingers and using it to probe deeper than I could with fingers alone. I would drew my fingers, which were surprisingly clean. Like I said, it was very firm poop up there and I blew air into her ass one last time. However, this time I told her, hold it in for a minute. Don’t push it out until I insert my cock. She nodded and smiled. I used a small amount of vegetable oil from the kitchen. I like these people are very unprepared to have sex. They don’t have condoms. They don’t have lube. I mean, I appreciate them improvising vegetable oil. I use a small amount of vegetable oil from the kitchen to lube up her ass. That’s all in her anal canal. It smelled wonderful. What’s your cooking up there? That’s all I wanted to read from Dan Gates, one and only true story, which, by the way, is being rated pretty well over there at six stories, dot com, eighty nine point seven percent. If you’re into ass puffing or playing with hard internal shit. This is not SCAP, by the way. That’s gross. It’s not skat. If the poop stays in the butthole, the loophole. You should definitely check out Dengate story over there at six stories. Acom. There you go, three brand new, weird, awful sex stories for your weekend. Thank you so much for joining me. Make sure to follow me all over social media at the start of you on Twitter and Instagram, Facebook, dotcom slash, distorted view show. You’ve got a discord. We’re all the freaks are hanging out. There’s a link on the main navigation bar of their distorted view, dotcom. If you run across a funny, bizarre sex story you want me to read or you remember one that I’ve read. Previously on Distorted View, email may show a distorted view. Dotcom, you could hear it right here on an upcoming episode. Remember, my daily podcast, Distorted View airs Monday through Friday right here on this very feed. And I will see you back next weekend for another crude summer by freak’s. Just a quick reminder to use promo code FREAK at Adam And Eve.  pick out something you like, added to your cart use code free at checkout and get 50 percent off just about any item free shipping and a bunch of freebies. Again, promo code freak F.R.E.A.K. at Adam And Eve. This has been another excellent podcast from the scrod media group where Morris met.

“Lobby Time” by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com)

License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)

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